waiting for attention, i'm not..

cut it to the left and i rock! need an invitation, i don't. slide it to the right and i roll!
i like Jimmy eat world.

so it has been an interesting couple of months.
i have been through such high highs and such low lows i dont even know how to comprehend what all has happened.
its so strange how life changes.
a year ago, i thought i was dating the guy i was going to marry.
i thought so very wrong.
really, i was just naieve. there was a reason i had so much peace even with how hurt i was the first time it ended.
i learned a lot through my mistakes.
through being able to love someone like i did.
but i know that this is where i need to be.
i've been super confused because while i was in the middle of all this stuff going on, i felt SO close to God.
i thought for sure as soon as it ended, i would be so joyful and so full of peace and that id be so happy.
i definitely am glad i did it.
but i feel still as though i've swallowed a rock.
i'm down.
i feel kind of cut off from God in some ways... i dont get it.
i know i need to go back to church. read my bible. get more sleep. eat better. surround myself with positive people.
its hard to do all those things though when you get scheduled to work every sunday, have no money, cant sleep at night, and are constantly being judged by the people you once felt were your best friends.
things will get better though.
i know it.
my heart is anxious for the future.
im taking this next year to be single. and very much not looking.
i'm going to have fun with my music and really strengthen my relationship with God.
i need to get over my insecurities.
i need to love on people and give to people.
pay off my debts.
become financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically well and responsible.
i'd like to be married before im out of my 20's.
it looks as though that is a possibility (hope.)
im moving to Chicago in a couple of weeks.
its a scary thought.
i'm nervous.
but i want to be close to the people i love.
i found my birth certificate today.
step one of getting to Norway!
im going to be a better person starting today... i've decided. no more settling.
(strengthen me, my Love.)